Love Potion of Doom
by MaMbMc
Summary: Zim recreates the human hormone that cause affection, but is unaware that it is much stronger than the real thing. GIR accidentally spills it everywhere, and he gets exposed to it...


Zim cackled maniacally as he pressed a few more buttons on his computer keyboard.

"YES! I've done it! I've recreated the hormone that makes these filthy worm babies feel affection! HAHAHAHAHA! I AM _ZIM_!"

In front of him was a large glass chamber, inside it a test tube full of a strange-looking liquid. He had been using robotic arms to tweak the mixture, Tallest forbid he get it on his _body_.

But, there was a problem with his calculations. You see, being Zim, he was too full of self-admiration to double-check the formula, therefore, his concoction was quite a bit stronger than the average human hormone. Perhaps that would explain why it was pink. And glowing.

"GIR!" He screeched. "Come put my _genius _creation into the biohazard containment vessel, and dump the leftover waste in… I dunno…The park or something."

Gir trotted over and saluted, his turquoise eyes turning red for a moment. "YES SIR!" He stuck his tongue out and trotted over to the glass chamber.

Zim walked over to the elevator to move up to a higher lab floor, in order to plan exactly how he was going to use this hormone. Perhaps he could use it to take over Earth!….No…It isn't powerful enough…Maybe to destroy Dib-stink….

Zim disappeared upstairs as GIR stared up at the test tube.

"Oooooo…It's _gloweh_…." GIR reached up and grasped the container with wonder.

_Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…._

GIR whipped his head around for the source of the noise.

_Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…_

It was a bumble bee, flying around the lab in zig-zag patterns, trying to escape.

"A BEE!" GIR screeched, the tube automatically tossed aside, forgotten, its contents spilling all over the floor.

"BEE! MY BESTEST FRIEND! I'LL LOVEDED YOU FOREVAAA!"

The bee flew up the elevator hatch and escaped.

GIR, as if on cue, began to sob dramatically. "NOOOO! COME BACK BEE! I LOVEDED YOU, BEE, I LOVEDED YOU!"

He hopped up and walked back over to the test tube, scooped it up, and carried what was left of the substance to the biohazard chamber.

He was completely oblivious to the love hormone covering the floor.

* * *

><p><em>A few hours later…<em>

* * *

><p>Zim gasped at the mess covering the floor. The hormone! It was everywhere!<p>

"GIR! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"

GIR appeared suddenly out of an entrance in the wall. He began to giggle wildly.

"LOOK, MASTAH! PINKEH STUFFS EVERRRRRWHEREEEEE!"

Zim face palmed in frustration. "Help me clean up this mess! NOW!"

"YES, SIR!"

The room smelled,,,odd. Not unpleasant, just…Strong. A sweet smell, so prominent it almost burned.

Zim snatched a gas mask hanging on the wall and pulled it on, but, unbeknownst to him, it was too late. The incorrect hormone was so powerful it would take affect from just breathing it in.

"I GOTS THE MOP!" GIR screamed.

* * *

><p><em>The next morning….<em>

* * *

><p>Zim grabbed his wig and contacts off the kitchen table, putting them on as he tore out of his house. If he was late, he would in trouble again, and would make him seem abnormal, and that would, of course, ruin the mission.<p>

He sprinted to skool, finally screeching to a stop in front of the steps, pausing to catch his breath.

On the steps sat Zita, the girl who sat behind him in class. He raised his head to look at her, and she cocked an eyebrow at him.

He was preparing to give her a withering glare when his eyes widened. He had never noticed how delicate she was…pale skin, small frame. Her eyes were golden brown, her short lilac hair pushed back from her pixie-like face with a headband. She had a button nose and full lips, which were now turned down in a frown.

"If you keep staring at me like that, I'm going to slap you." Her voice was soft and melodic, even when giving a threat.

Zim felt his cheeks heat up, turning a dark greenish-blue. He gave her a confused look. "Zim did not mean to be rude. My apologies."

Zita looked at him like he was crazy. She snapped her textbook shut and stood up, turning heel to go inside.

He watched her go, feeling a mixture of sadness at her departure and excitement over the fact that he would be sitting in front of her momentarily.

Wait…What? Why should he care whether this insignificant, stupid worm-baby was around him or not? _Why do I give two antennae about a filthy hyoo-man?_ He thought, shaking his head to clear it with an angry growl. He took a deep breath and walked through the double doors.

He tried to think about the things he usually pondered on, for example, his next plan to destroy the planet, how to kill Dib-stink, when he should call the tallest again, what prank he should pull on Dib-monkey today, how to improve his latest experiment….

But his thoughts kept wondering back to Zita, a hyoo-man he hardly knew and had spoken to twice. The second time being just now.

He was beginning to get frustrated. He _never _cared about the idiot hyoo-mans. _Ever. _That's why Nick was at his base right now, a large metal happy probe jutting out of his skull.

He could tell that he didn't get these strange, disgusting…._emotions _around all of the worm-babies, just…The purple one. _Zita. _

He wondered if _emotions _were contagious.

He entered the classroom and plopped down in his seat. He could feel Zita-female's eyes on the back of his head. She moved her hands to adjust her headband. A wave of her scent went past his antennae, despite being constricted under his wig. _Candy. _

The sweet smell was subtle, just enough so that he could detect it. His mouth began to water for the irken candy he kept at his base. Zita-hyooman's stupid smell was almost identical.

_NO! _Zim thought. _SHE SMELLS LIKE DOOKIE! _PURE DOOKIE!_ JUST LIKE THE REST OF THESE DISGUSTING BALLS OF DIRT!_

Mrs. Bitters began droning on about the government and how it would cause everything to end in _doom. _Zim tried to go about his usual business- type out his new plan on his handheld computer- but he couldn't concentrate. Zita's smell was making him distracted. _WHY? _He thought bitterly, groaning mentally.

Dib shot him a heated glare from across the room. Zim glared right back. _I don't have time for Dib-stink. I needs to get rid of these pathetic, horrible emotions and dispose of the Zita-female. She's a distraction. _He grinned evilly. _I WILL DESTROY HER! _

Suddenly, something gently tapped him on the shoulder. Zita leaned forward to speak, and her scent was stronger than ever. "Hey, do you have a pencil I can borrow?" She whispered where his ear should be. "I forgot mine."

Her hot breath washed against his neck. The smell was causing him to practically drool. He stiffened and swallowed thickly and sharply shook his head, wishing she would move away.

_Tooclosetooclosetooclose...  
><em>

"Oh, okay," she whispered. "Thanks anyway, I guess."

If she didn't back off _now, _he was going to turn around and claw her eyes out.

She moved back into her chair, and he relaxed, letting out a huge sigh.

He could feel the Dib-monkey watching him curiously, obviously confused. _If the Dib-stupid finds out that the Zita-thing distracts me, he could use it to his advantage. I must destroy her…today. _

He smirked and whipped out his handheld, already formulating a plan.

* * *

><p>The bell rang and Zim jumped out of his seat with new vigor. His plan was foolproof. It absolutely couldn't fail.<p>

The rest of the class had ran out of the room screaming as soon as class was over. Even Mrs. Bitters didn't lag behind.

He turned around to find Zita still near her seat, gathering her things together. _Perfect._

"So…You are Zita, correct?"

She looked up at him in surprise, then confusion. "Um…Yes, I am."

Zim nodded. "Interesting…Zita-beast, the great _Zim _is now cordially inviting you to my home unit, and you will accept, thereby acknowledging my _superiority." _He blinked. "FEEL HONORED!"

Zita looked dumbfounded. "Umm…okay?"

"_EXCELLENT!" _he grabbed her wrist. "Prepare yourself, filthy beast of meat and hair, your magical _love _adventure begins _now!"_

"My magical _what?"_ Zita said as Zim dragged her out of the classroom.

* * *

><p>Zim didn't let go of Zita's delicate wrist until they cleared his front door, which he promptly slammed and locked. She looked around, mouth open in wonder.<p>

"Your house is definitely….original, Zim."

Zim grinned. "Indeed."

"So…" Zita said, plopping her backpack on the floor. "Why did you drag me here again?"

Zim blinked. "I simply gave you a formal invitation to my home. This is what hyoomans- I mean, people- do, yes?"

"Well, yeah, but…You never seemed to want to talk to me a lot before."

_Think fast, Zim. _"This is because the mighty _Zim _did not know how to approach you, Zita-beast." He gave her a smile he hoped was warm.

Zita smiled back slowly, showing off perfect white teeth. "Oh…Okay. I understand. I think."

Zim could not help but notice Zita's intriguing features, especially in the low light of the base. He tried to stay focused, but found it impossible. He gritted his teeth. He would _not _give in to his own idiotic _feelings!_

"Zim, are you okay?" Zita sounded concerned. She moved closer to him. Her delicious smell overwhelmed him again, making him dizzy. He shook his head to clear it.

"Could you excuse me for a moment?" He said quickly.

"Yes, of course," Zita said, although she still looked slightly worried.

Zim left her examining the monkey painting behind the sofa as he quickly made his way down to the lab. "Computer! Quickly! Search 'How to make people fall in love with you'".

The computer sighed. _Fine. _

After a few seconds, the results flashed onto the screen. Zim scanned it quickly.

_The best way to make someone fall in love with you is to trust them with something, preferably a deep, dark secret, making them feel as though you care enough about them to share something with that person that you would with no one else._

Trust? A secret?

Zim gasped as it dawned on him. How could he not of seen this before?

His original plan was to simply drag her to the base and make her fall in love with him. Then, he realized…He had no idea how.

He would show her what he truly was: an irken. Even though that was against the invader code, Dib-stink and Gaz-hyooman already knew, and besides, if Zita decided to tell, no one would believe her. Zim smirked. _Just like how no one believes the Dib-thing. _

After he showed her what he was, he would allow her to have…_feelings _for him, so he discover more about _hyoo-man _affection. And then he would destroy her, and she would be out of his way FOREVER.

Zim let out a maniacal laugh. "I AM ZIM!"

Zim reappeared upstairs to find Zita curled up on the sofa, reading some sort of Earth-book. She looked up as he entered the room and raised an eyebrow. "Where did you go?"

Zim fidgeted. "The…um….restroom."

"Oh," she said. She stood up and placed her book back into her bag. "You know, Zim, I always thought you were a little strange." She smiled. "But now I realize that you're weird in a good way."

Zim snickered to himself. _Too easy._

"Well…to be honest…there's a reason why I'm so very strange."

Zita turned to look at him. "Oh, really? Why?"

Zim quickly reached up and removed his contacts, the yanked off his wig in one swift movement.

Zita gasped and clapped her hand over her mouth.

"You see, Zita-thing, I am not from here. I am irken, from the planet of Irk."

Zita was too shocked to speak.

"I promise you, I mean you no harm."

She was backed up against the wall, staring at him with wide eyes.

Zim grinned suddenly. "If you keep staring at me like that, I'm going to slap you."

This broke the ice. Zita giggled and her scared expression gave way into a smile. She took a hesitant step forward.

Zim smirked inwardly. _Yes, Zita-beast. Come closer…_

Zita looked him up and down. "I always wondered why your skin was green…And why you didn't have ears or a nose…" She grasped one of his claws in both hands and lifted it up, examining it. Even through his gloves, he could feel how soft and smooth her skin was. He swallowed thickly.

Zita intertwined her fingers with his. Her touch, combined with her overwhelmingly mouthwatering scent, was making him disoriented. _Again._

"Zim…out of everyone at skool, why did you tell _me _your big secret?"

Zim paused for a moment, trying to come up with a clever answer that fit his plan.

"Zim simply thought that it would be interesting to be closer to you, Zita-beast."

She looked down to the floor, her cheeks pink. "Oh…" She released his clawed hand.

"I have another question…If you're from another planet, then why are you here?"

Zim, for once, already had an answer prepared for this question. He put on the saddest face he could without laughing and said, "Zim was banished."

She looked bewildered. "Banished? That's horrible. Why did they do that to you?"

_You ask too many questions, Zita-thing. _"The Tallests told me I was too short." He had to bite his lip to keep from cracking up. Him? _Banished? _For being too short? The idea was preposterous. He was the great ZIM!

"The Tallests?" Zita said. Then it dawned on her. "Where you're from, ranking is by height…"

"Indeed…" Zim said. Everything was going perfectly according to plan. He had the urge to burst into a fit of maniacal laughter, but he held back. There was time for that later, _after _he destroyed the hyoo-man female…

Suddenly, Zita stood on her tip toes and reached above Zim's head. Being deep in thought, it took him a moment to realize what she was doing…

"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ZIM'S-" He stopped. It was too late, her dainty little hand was already wrapped around a sensitive feeler, stroking it gently. She pulled away at his protest.

"I'm sorry Zim, I won't do that if you don't want me to…"

Zim, however, was in shock. In the academy, they always said not to touch them, and that rule was strictly inforced. And no wonder…

"No, no…Do that again."

Zita reached up and repeated the action, softly petting the velvety stalk. Zim purred like a cat, rocking back and forth on his heels. It felt wonderful, but…

_Remember the mission, Zim! THE MISSION! _He thought angrily. His mind was trying it's best to get him to focus, but with the petting, it was impossible…

She removed her hand and looked him dead in the eye.

Zim's antennae automatically flattened against his skull in a wary manner. _What on Irk is she doing?_

She leaned forward and placed her lips on his forehead. Ah, yes, to hyoo-mans, this was a great show of affection- a _kiss_, they called it. Zita pulled away and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her body to his. Hmm, another strange procedure of human affection…A "_hug", _according to GIR. Zim decided to return it, wrapping his arms around her slender waste.

"Thank you, Zim, for trusting me. I promise I will never expose you."

Zim smirked evilly, for she couldn't see his face. Her reaction was exactly as he had predicted. But, something was bothering him…A strange, warm feeling it the pit of his squeedlysplooch. It was…nice. Irritating, but nice.

She pulled away and smiled. "I need to be going… My Mom will be wondering where I am."

Zim nodded. This was where the next part of his plan came into play…

The part where he destroyed her.

He was about to yell, "Computer! Capture the female!" But he found he couldn't. The words wouldn't come out. The warm feeling in his gut was more prominent than ever…And than he realized why.

_I…I care about Zita-beast. _

How weak! To have feelings for a member of the enemy race! How ridiculous of him! He needed to dispose of these horrible _feelings _immediately before-

His eyes widened. Zita's mouth was on his, cutting off his train of thought. Her lips were warm and soft, and tasted sweet, just like her scent.

Zim was frozen, unable to process exactly what was going on.

Zita pulled away gently after only a short moment. Then she turned on her heel and walked out his front door, smiling over her shoulder.

"See you tomorrow, Zim."

On second thought, he might keep these _emotions _a little longer.

"AWWW! MASTAH HAS A LADEH FRIEND!"

"GIR! RELEASE ZIM AT _ONCE_! I _COMMAND_ YOU!"

* * *

><p>Did Zim ever discover that all of this was caused by his defective hormone? You decide, filthy hyoo-man.<p> 


End file.
